Two Musical Snobs


Two musical snobs, Marmaduke and Balthazar, meet in the interval of a concert of Bach’s music for solo cello. Spot the ten (or more) mistakes in their conversation.

‘I’m quite enjoying these Sonatas, aren’t you?’ said Marmaduke

‘Actually, they’re Partitas,’ responded Balthazar. ‘And anyway, they were really written for the viola da gamba. They shouldn’t be played on the cello at all.’

‘Quite – well, I prefer Bach’s operas anyway,’ said Marmaduke.

‘Yes – and Alessandro Scarlatti’s cello sonatas, of course. He was an exact contemporary of Bach’s – born in the same year, you know.’

‘And Handel.’

‘And Jimi Hendrix. No – Jimi Hendrix was born in the same place as Handel, not the same year.’

‘My dear Balthasar – such ignorance. I’d have expected better of someone who goes to so many concerts. Didn’t I see you at the concert where the London Philharmonic played Chopin’s second Symphony the other day?’

‘Yes – but I was there to hear Florent Schmitt’s first symphony.’

‘Oh dear – FAR too earnest for me. He was SUCH a typical German composer.’

‘Well, you couldn’t be expected to understand genuine profundity – not like me. The sort of music I hate is Tchaikovsky’s  6th – the Pathetic symphony.’

‘You mean the Pathetique?’

‘Well, that’s what it means – Pathetic. And it certainly is, hahaha. Even we clever people can be witty, you know.’

‘Well, I certainly prefer Brahms’ 6th symphony.’

‘Oh surely not – it’s  frightful. But what can you expect of a man whose brother lived part of his life in Venezuela?

‘Now don’t talk rot, my dear Balthasar. There’s never been any classical music in Venezuela – there still isn’t.’

‘Whoops – there goes the bell. What are you going to write in your review? We must make sure we write the same things, or people might think that one of us doesn’t know what he’s talking about…’

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